“I’m always afraid of dying and going to hell. It’s my greatest fear, thus I’m always feeling pressured by the things the Bible says we should do. I sometimes feel like giving up because it’s so hard. Although I feel this way the Holy Spirit always gets me to not give up. Because as soon as I run away from God I feel guilty and I just miss him to much. Is what I’m experiencing normal?”
It is normal for Christians to have doubts.
But these feelings are not normal for Christians who are assured of their salvation, because they understand the gospel story and what Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection means to them. Their faith is not in their feelings, but in the facts of the Word of God. You put too much weight on your feelings. (I had done the same, so I know where you’re at.) You are ashamed because you sinned, and ran from God. But God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us.
https://www.gotquestions.org/assurance-salvation.html
https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-verses-about-assurance.html
These thoughts are not normal for Christians who are persevering in their faith, for when they sin, they get up again. That’s because Christ has provided a way to redeem us from sin; He will keep forgiving way more than seventy-times-seven-times because it is His mission. But even more than that, He has broken the power of sin, and this promise causes them to cut off the sinful feelings before they can get hold of them. They understand the Fatherliness of God, who loves His children and trains them in the way of faith and love by using the trials the world, the flesh, and the devil thrown at them. The very sinful struggles they have are the very means God uses to get us to exercise our faith muscles for Him and stand against sin. God expects us to sin, but to sin less the more we know His grace to supply power over sin.
https://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-perseverance.html
Those feelings are not normal to Christians who know the verses on the eternal security of the believer. You know your feelings better than your Bible. Get to know the verses of eternal security of the believer so you can stand firm in your faith, so you can have a bedrock on what to base your faith. Our problem is that our feelings feel so much more real than God’s promises, right? Well, here is how faith works: When you read of a promise, then you have a choice. You can go by your feelings and forget about it. Or you can take Him at His word and take steps as though He had already given you the promise, and live as though it has already happened. THEN He gives the power as you act out the new life in spite of the raging feelings. The feelings are not a barometer on how well your salvation is coming along. Faith in God’s word is, for you are depending on His promise to save you from sin.
https://www.gotquestions.org/what-is-the-gospel.html
https://www.gotquestions.org/eternal-security.html
Your experience is not unique. Many have gone on for years like this. It’s a symptom of putting feelings over faith. Romans 10:17 tells us, “faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” To expand on that phrase: “faith comes by hearing God’s voice speaking directly to you, and hearing His voice comes from pondering the word of God.” All the people in Hebrews 11 heard God speaking to them, and they responded in faith and obedience. Reading the word of God with the intention of becoming like Christ, intending to honor God with your life, intending to know God more–these are vital because this is exactly what God wants to do for you.
Many people do not persevere in their salvation because they want the world more than they want the things of God. If you want to be ruled by God more than by sin, then read the word, for that is its purpose. Read John 3:16 anew; memorize it; ponder it word by word. It is the gospel in a nutshell, combining His love for you, the Christ who died for you, and the deliverance through faith in the person of His Son. “God so loved the world that He gave us His Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.”
I’m praying that these words will bring new life to you. I’ve known the pain you’re going through. But I have come out the other side of this, and you can, too.
