You deal with sexual desires the same way as with any other feelings, whether of envy, hatred, avarice, pride, and so on. The foundational teaching is Romans 6. There, we learn that when Jesus was buried, He took our “old man,” or sinful nature, into the tomb with Him, then He rose again. Since the old nature is buried with Christ, it no longer has power over us. We no longer have to follow them. When they come, we can say, “I am risen with Christ and seated in the heavenly places with Him. Lord, I come to Your throne of grace and ask for help to turn my heart and thoughts to You.” Then you turn and get busy with something else immediately (Romans 6:13). It takes time to take up this new way of thinking, but like any other new process in life, if you apply it again and again, you’ll find God following through to enable you, even shield you from its effects.
Another important foundation is when Jesus tells His disciples, “Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation” (Mark 14:38). We watch because we are aware of our weakness. We pray because we know His strength. So you consider carefully exactly what brings up the worst in you and watch. For instance, a particular person may cause the wrong desires to form. In that case, you consider whether you will be around that person, and if so, you watch your mind and eyes, and either avoid the situation or ask God for a blanket of grace to protect you.
If you see a trap lying on the ground in your path, then you can just step around it. But if you don’t watch, you’ll go right into it. If we don’t acknowledge our weaknesses, then we won’t watch. If we reason them away in denial, then we’ll continue in them.
You can’t get rid of those powerful feelings, but you can take them to the cross. And when you do, then it will bring glory to God for His deliverance. Make sure you also go to the cross in repentance if you give in to sinful desires, and make a full account in humility. But don’t be discouraged. Don’t believe the lies of the devil that you blew it and need to move away from God. God is patient and God is kind. He knows your struggles; they are the struggles every human being faces. And through Jesus they are struggles He can deal with better than we can. He is a Savior: so let Him help. When sin comes, don’t run away, but run to the Savior, always.
Another thing the Spirit sought to do in my life is convince me that a life without giving in to those urges is far better. Unfortunately, it’s just easier to give in and get it over with – instant gratification. As you become convinced of the reward of denying yourself these fleshly pleasures, then you will stand against them more successfully. Where the reward is hard to see, it is hard to fight. Paul wrote of this in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 as he fought so that God would not disqualify him for a reward. Paul drew his fear from how God treated the Israelites who turned from faith to flesh, and talked about that all through 1 Corinthians 10. Like the Israelites in the desert, people have given up partway through the race because they could not see the finish line. They were so close, but the lack of hope did them in.
“Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy” (Jude 24).
Work with the Spirit to stand for a life of complete obedience to Him, to cut off anything of shame, that you may obtain the greatest rewards and be the greatest wife-gift God can give to His Son. “He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love” (Ephesians 1:4). And He is able to present you this way because of the tools of the cross and the blood. Do not neglect them – this end is not a foregone conclusion but requires diligence on your part. The good thing is that you may have received glimmers again and again of His grace in your life, so you have good memories to draw you to Him. You can use those memories and convince yourself that if you like that, it can only get better if you stand strong against the flesh. The Lord still looks to and fro throughout the earth for those whose hearts are loyal, that He may stand with them.
Every man struggles with these desires, and it has nothing to do with being honourable or good or even being a Christian, we see an attractive woman, especially if she is ‘our type’ and it’s like a metal detector detecting gold; it goes ape basically! Being celibate, and before that being one of those guys who, although perhaps moderately good looking, couldn’t really make it with the ladies, I feel that I have missed out too; I am now coming to terms with this and learning to deal with it. And, as I said, I struggle with feelings of lust also because I would like to meet someone so am often thinking about my ideal women; this often leads to lustful thoughts. Well, it seems you just can’t win hey?!